why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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