just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Your dad touched me again.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
