I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
