dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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