i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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