Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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