the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
