She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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