I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
