Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
