I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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