i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
