the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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