His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
