I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
