The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
