i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
