Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize