he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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