everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
