I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
