I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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