I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
