I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
