We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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