I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
