are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
