I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
