I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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