Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
