Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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