Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
