New low: just hacked my moms facebook
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
