I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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