I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
