hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
