I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
