spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
