I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
