Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize