i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
