So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
