dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
