when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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