I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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