I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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