i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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