he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
