I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
