it's too hot outside to masturbate.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
