You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
