Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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