dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
