I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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