we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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