It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
