She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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