I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
