oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
