you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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